I Want Not to Know My Future

Photo by Vanilla

The last 2010 World Cup match between Spain and the Netherlands will take place in two hours' time.

I am a soccer idiot. I am not about to write a critique on any of the matches and I am unable to say who will bring back the trophy. However, I do know that this World Cup has many unexpected outcomes, sending many strong teams home with their heads bowing low.

It is never easy to predict the outcome of soccer matches with absolute certainty (for that matter, any type of matches). That is one reason why
people would gamble with their own perception of the most likely outcome.


Can animals predict outcome?

In the midst of this once-in-every-four-year excitement, one octopus named Paul has been coolly predicting the outcomes of matches involving Germany. He has stunned the world with his impressive record of 100% accuracy. This 8-legged mollusk has just one more prediction to go before he hits pure gold. For the grand final, he has predicted that Spain will beat the Netherlands. (Watch Paul's video predicting the final match)

Besides Paul, soccer fans also look to other animals for their match prediction. Mani, a parakeet from Singapore has done a fairly good job alongside Paul and he has since become rather famous too. Mani has a different view from Paul for the final as he has picked the Netherlands. (Watch Mani's video predicting the final match)

It seems that the 2010 World Cup has somehow also turned into Paul v Mani. We shall know the verdict in a moment.

Photo by Vanilla

Obsessed to know the unknown

Mani's owner, a fortune-teller has claimed that his business has improved. People come to him to find out about their lives. Besides soccer matches, they want to know about their future wealth and health too.

Unknown is always fascinating and sometimes, disturbing.

Have you ever wanted to know about your future? If you have a predicting device which will tell you what is coming up, would you be glad to have it? It appears to be a fascinating thought initially but I am more inclined to think that it is a scary idea.

People can be obsessed with wanting to know the unknown because essentially, they do not like uncertainties. They want to know if the rest of their lives would be fine and they want to see if there is anything they can do to negate predicted bad outcomes.

Photo by Vanilla

Living with dying in mind?

We all know that our days are numbered but no one knows the exact number. There is nothing wrong with living with dying in mind. However, we must not live pessimistically just because the end is inevitable. Neither do we want to live in a death-defying manner.

I said in 'Coffin Academy - Dying to Live' that, when we are alive, we rarely give a thought to the things we can undo and improve while we still have the chance. Such thoughts may not come until perhaps, a near-death experience.

It does not have to be that way.

Photo of Oscar

What if we know our expiry date?

You would say, 'that is not possible'.

Are you being rational or are you merely being defensive because it is something you would rather not know?

In a nursing home at Rhode Island, a resident cat named Oscar is said to be able to do just that, ie. he predicts death.

Oscar arrived at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in 2005. He was a normal cat with the usual feline attitude. He would decide who to go to but never spend much time with anyone, unless he is in his last hours.

No one can explain why. Somehow, Oscar would curl up in bed with a the patient and give the most needed companionship to this usually lonely person. It is as if that were his way to say goodbye.

The nursing home has since learned that Oscar's persistent appearance with a particular patient is a signal to them that his final hours are approaching.

Book by David Dosa

After reading Oscar's story, I was amazed and frightened by his unusual gift. On one hand, I am deeply touched by the compassion shown. On the other, I am greatly disturbed by the possibility of death prediction.

Watch this video for Oscar's story. You may also want to read "Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat" written by David Dosa, a doctor with the nursing home.

Photo by Vanilla

Putting future in our own hands

I have not come across anyone who is dying to know when he would die (pun intended). For that matter, I hardly know anyone who wants to find out much about his future. For me, I want to know none of those.

Life is unpredictable and I cannot write my autobiography in advance. However, no one says that I cannot visualize how this 'book' might look like. Our future begins now. Instead of allowing our past to rule the future, we can be the architect of our own future by drawing the blueprints today. Peter Drucker has said it well, "The best way to predict the future is to create it."

When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.

Who would you rather be?

Update: Spain brought back the 2010 World Cup trophy! Paul's right.

“My interest is in the future
because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”
~ Charles F. Kettering~
(American engineer, 1876-1958)

Notes Left Behind

This book could make you cry, motivated and inspired, all at the same time.

I bought it some months back. Each time I picked it up, I could not read on. Writing about it is even harder.

Elena

'Notes Left Behind' is a true story of a brave little girl who left this world too soon. In her last days, 6-year old Elena Desserich fought an incurable brain cancer and left behind a big lesson for all of us to learn.

Elena Desserich, Dec 2000 - Aug 2007

I first learnt about her story in the news about a year ago. I was greatly saddened by her passing but very much inspired by her courage. Due to her illness, Elena lost her ability to talk but she did not lose her ability to love. She was still able to write and so she did to let her parents know that everything was OK.

During her last days, Elena also fulfilled some of her wishes and one of them was to paint a masterpiece which now hangs in Cincinnati Art Museum.

Elena's notes

Elena's notes

Doctor gave Elena 135 days but she made it 255 days. After the cancer claimed her life in Aug 2007, her parents discovered a note left behind by Elena. They soon discovered in the following weeks and months, more notes hidden by her in places such as within CD covers, in book cases or under vases. Her parents have discovered hundreds of them and no one knows for sure if there are any more in the house.

Her notes would carry a simple message such as "'I love you Mom, Dad and Grace." or drawing of many hearts. These notes were no doubt simple but looking at them wrenched my heart.

Elena's drawing

According to her parents, they never spoke of death to Elena. Somehow, Elena probably knew that she wouldn't be around for long and starting writing notes, drawing pictures and hid them everywhere. Perhaps she wanted to ease the pain for her parents after she left them.

In some ways, Elena's parents are lucky to have received notes left behind by their little girl. I wish I too could get such notes from loved ones whom I will never see again.

Photo By Vanilla

A book with a big message

The book was written by Elena's parents as a memoir for her younger sister Gracie so that she may reflect on the strength and courage of her big sister. It wasn't the initial intention of the Desserich family to publish the book. However, they later decided to do so as they wanted to channel the money to their cancer foundation, "The Cure Starts Now".

Elena's parents urge the readers "to take time to listen and not to get caught up in the days' rush".

Photo By Vanilla

Normalcy is a gift

Many of us are guilty of not counting our blessing but are busy getting upset over triviality. Elena's story sends a reminder to the readers that today is not here forever whether we choose to live it well or not.

At some point in time, there are pains in each of us. Very often, much of these pains are unduly amplified. We would have thought that our pains are unjustifiable. We feel that way because we have little awareness of people around us. Many of them are going through pains which put ours next to nothing.

Compared to their lives, ours are 'normal'.

Normalcy is a gift and I have learnt not to take that for granted. I have also learnt that normalcy comes from seeing things in perspective (See Perspective of Life) and filling our days with happier thoughts (See Happiness is a Choice).

For me, I choose to make today the best day of my life. Make it your choice too.


Watch this video about the book and the notes that Elena has left behind.

Official website of "Notes Left Behind".

"Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from."
~ Seth Godin ~

How Starbucks Saved My Life

Life is full of ironies.

With a book of such a title in hand, I sipped my coffee in Dome, constantly told myself that I dislike Starbucks coffee. But as I flipped the pages, I was greatly lifted by the inspiring story of Michael Gates Gill and his life at Starbucks.

The full title of the book is "How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else". In it, Michael tells how his life was transformed after he found a job at Starbucks.


Before Starbucks, Michael was a successful executive with a leading advertising agency (J. Walter Thompson). In fact, his life has been well taken care of since the beginning. As the son of a famous writer for The New Yorker (Brendan Gill), he grew up in a 25-room mansion and went to Yale University. An enviable job at the agency was literally dished to him the moment he stepped out of school. From there he was on his way up until he was fired, unceremoniously, 26 years later.

The abrupt dismissal was followed by a series of events, sending Michael into a downward spiral: He got divorced and left his big house to his family. He was almost broke in his 60s. He had an affair and found himself a father of his fifth child. He struggled to stay financially sound by taking odd consultancy jobs. As if all those were not enough, he was told that he had a tumor in his brain.

He was having the rudest kind of 'retirement', sort of.


As he spent one of his lowest moments at a Starbucks joint, the store manager (Crystal) 'came up from nowhere' and offered him a job as a 'Partner'. (Staff at Starbucks stores are known as 'Partners').

Michael accepted the job offer.

From a high-flying, six-figure-earning advertising executive, Michael found himself paid $10 an hour, learning how to scrub toilets, handle cash registers and brew coffee. He also found himself working with 'Partners' decades younger and lots more energetic.

It was not easy. Michael would burst into tears at the thought of his fate. He pondered how his lustrous life had turned so sorry. Little did he realize that his life was about to change as he learned his life lessons while working at Starbucks.


Michael learns the true value of hard work and why is it important to respect one another. In short, he learns to be happy, happier than he ever before when he owned so much more.

Michael kept a journal about his life at Starbucks which later turned into a New York Times bestseller. Many people are inspired by "How Starbucks Saved My Life" and want to know more from Michael. Now, he distilled his life into 15 useful lessons in his second book, "How to Save Your Own Life: 15 Lessons on Finding Hope in Unexpected Places". He believes that readers can learn key lessons from his life and they too could weather their own downturns.


The actor Tom Hanks has plans to produce and star in the film version and Gus Van Sant ('Good Will Hunting' and 'Milk') has agreed to direct. I would love to watch that: My favorite guy starring in an inspiring movie - What more can I ask for?

This book reaffirms what I have always believed: We find happiness from within and it is always there. It is our choice, to have it or not. We merely have to choose the obvious.

Finally, you do not have to be a coffee lover to read this book. It is a book for everyone.

Verdict: I still do not like coffee at Starbucks but I love this book.

Hear Michael talks about his books on YouTube:
How Starbucks Saved My Life (Vid)
How To Save Your Own Life (Vid)

"Happiness often sneaks in

through a door you didn't know you left open."
~John Barrymore~

See earlier posts on 'Happiness':
Happiness is a Choice
Happiness Quotient
Picture Blog #4 : Still Complaining?
Happiness: My "Q&A"

See an earlier post on 'Coffee'
Caffeinism? Nay!

The Last Lecture

I read "The Last Lecture" last year but I only have the courage to write about it now.

"The Last Lecture" is an international best-seller written by Randy Pausch (published in 2008). Pausch was a computer science professor at the Carnegie Mellon University (Pennsylvania, USA), married with three beautiful children. He was having a wonderful life until he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2006. A year later, he was told that it was terminal.Randy Pausch was only 46 when the doctor gave him three to six more months to live.


On 18 Sep 2007, he gave his "Last Lecture" titled 'Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams' at Carnegie Mellon. It was part of a series of talks organised by the University where invited speakers were asked to talk about what matters to them most and give a hypothetical 'last lecture' as if that had been their last chance to share their wisdom with the world.

Randy Pausch did not have to 'pretend'. It was indeed his 'last lecture'.

One would have imagined a devastated man, sharing his sorrow, regrets and perhaps, anger. But there was none of those emotions. In fact, throughout the lecture, Pausch was upbeat and humorous. There was totally no sign of self-pity and he constantly shrugged off any pity that was thought to be given to him.


Pausch offered the audience of 400 colleagues and students inspiring life advice that can be applied to one's professional and personal life. At one point, Pausch dropped down and did several push-ups on stage. He demonstrated so much liveliness anyone could ever wanted. Ironically, that came from a man who had his days numbered.

Shortly after that, he wrote "The Last Lecture" which was published on 8 Apr 2008. The book was written to show people how to live a more fulfilling life by simply achieving their childhood dreams. As I was going through the chapters, I kept asking myself, 'How could this man be in his last days?' I tried to find a tinge of self-pity or sadness but I could hardly. In fact, there was none.

Pausch talks a lot about his three children. He wrote about important life lessons so that his children will get to learn from the book when he is gone. He obviously cares very much about them. At the start of his 'last lecture' at the University, he explained that his lecture would exclude his children and his wife as he could not talk about them without bringing tears.


I felt so much positive psychology in the book and I had to continue to remind myself that it was written by someone who was not going to be around soon. To Pausch, obstacles in life are not insurmountable. He explains that 'the brick walls are there for a reason. They are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.'

I am still trying to grapple with that.

It was totally chilly to read such positiveness from someone who was dying but living like he has an eternal life. He wrote as if he was packing up for a long journey but trying to tidy up the last bit in the house before leaving. Such detachment was beyond my comprehension. You will have to read the book yourself to know what I mean.

I try to imagine if we were to know our 'expiry date' right from the start of our lives, would we have lived our lives differently? Would we be more focused in life that we pursue only what is more important? Would we have prioritized our lives in a different order? Would we still tell people we care that we have no time for them, all the time?


It takes someone like Randy Pausch to remind us that we need to live in the present while learning from the past and dream about our future. Very often, we get it all wrong: We live in the past while missing out the present and turning our dream into nightmare in the future.

It is easy to get it wrong because the past is known and requires no imagination. It is easy to get it wrong because the present can bring real pain and we try to deny it. It is easy to get it wrong because the future is uncertain and we are afraid to visualise it.


We are often guilty of allowing trivial distractions to mask our known priorities. As a result, we let what is important to be replaced by what is not.

I have learned much from the 224-page book. I shall not give more details about the book as I do not wish to rob you of the joy (and heartache) of learning from it first hand.

Besides reading the book, you may wish to 'attend the Last Lecture' as well on the YouTube. So far, more than 10 million people have 'attended' it. If you prefer, attend one with subtitles.

Randy Pausch died on 25 Jul 2008, shortly after I read and benefited so much from his book.

More resources at Carnegie Mellon.

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."

~James Dean~

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

This is a book with an unusual title.

I have noticed "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" sometime back. I have resisted reading it because of two reasons: 1) It is fictional (I prefer non-fiction) and 2) It has an unusual title which in some way, is cheesy.

I finally got my hand on it and I realised that I was the one being cheesy. The book has taught me much.

The author, Robin Sharma, has chosen to share meaningful life tips through a fable. It is about a successful lawyer, Julian Mantle, who initially leads a hectic schedule and is guided by money, power and prestige.



Julian later suffers a heart attack and the near-death experience transforms him. He sells his possession (which includes his Ferrari, of course), goes to India to seek a more meaningful existence and returns a changed man. Julian shares what he has learnt with one of his former associates, John and the fable is told from the perspective of his associate.

In the fable, Julian gives John (and the readers) practical advice on how changing daily habits can help us achieve more.

Broadly, the book covers seven Virtues of Enlightening Learning, which Julian reveals to John one at a time and presented in separate chapters. Each of these 'Virtues' entails a set of concepts and habits to develop.

1. Master your mind
2. Follow your purpose
3. Practice kaizen
4. Live with discipline
5. Respect your time
6. Selflessly serve others
7. Embrace the present


I find the advice from this book both inspiring and confusing.

Some of the concepts are not new to me but I have learnt to appreciate it from a different perspective. I often hear comments that books of this genre often say the same thing but in different ways. There is nothing wrong with that.

When I see the same thing from varying perspective, I learn to smoothen the rough edges that are left behind by previous views. Put it simply, each time I read about the same thing from a different author, I learn different ways to achieve the same thing. Very often, little tips help me achieve something big.

Over time, I have developed some of my habits on my own thinking that they might help me. Seeing that the same thing is being said by different authors gives me the confidence that I am doing the right thing. The power of endorsement is great and it makes me want to do more with such habits.


The advice can be confusing because the author is drawing quite a fine line between each concept. Some of them sound repetitive. It is a 'story book' that I would have to read over and over again to grasp the concepts shared.

For example, under the first virtue "Master Your Mind", five habits can be developed:

Habit 1:
Learn to see the positive in every circumstance. Do not judge events as “good” or “bad”, but experience them, celebrate them and learn from them.

Habit 2:
With the use of a fresh rose, find a quiet place and stare at the heart of the rose. Focus on the petals, folds, texture etc. Free up other thoughts as they come to you. Start with 5 minutes a day and learn to stretch it to 20. This is the way to your oasis of peace.

Habit 3:
Every day, spend 10 minutes to reflect your day, and on how to can improve your next day.

Habit 4:
Opposition thinking: Take every negative thought that comes into your mind and turn it into a positive one. Be conscious of your thoughts. It is easy to have negative thoughts invading your mind but it is also easy to have them replaced with positive ones. Instead of being moody, focus your energy on being cheery.

Habit 5:
Secret of the lake: Your vision can be powerful. Take a few deep breaths and relax and envision your dreams becoming a reality. Picture vivid images of what you want to become and they will become reality.


The above five habits can be a hefty load, especially if they are new to you and we are merely talking about the first virtue. As the book is written in the style of a fable, the habits in each virtue are weaved into the story, rather than being listed clearly. In this aspect, the summary page at the end of each chapter does help a great deal.

Even though the book carries lots of big ideas on how you can change your habits (and therefore your lives), you need not swallow them whole. For me, I find it more practical and manageable to pick and choose some and practise on one or two of the ideas at a time.

My life may not be as out-of-balance as Julian's at this moment but I am not about to wait till it happens. This book teaches me many very useful ideas, some of which so simple that they hurt.

We tend to dismiss a piece of advice which appears commonsensical because we do not believe that something so simple can be so powerful. That is the problem that many of us have. I have since learnt to give due respect to common sense.


While it can be confusing to distill the essence from the story, I could not imagine the book being written like an instruction manual. We cannot prescribe changes to anyone. Unless our understanding is changed, mindless application of any instruction in a book will not do much. When told in a story, the author helped to provide more insights and meaning to the recommended rituals.

I would recommend this book to those of you who are looking for some guidance in your change journey.

Verdict: A book of great wisdom.

See an earlier review of another book by the same author : "Who will cry when you die?"

The Best I Could

I read Subhas Anandan's "The Best I Could" last month.

The book was launched in December last year but I did not take immediate notice of it. In the weeks following that, I kept seeing this title appearing on the Straits Times' non-fiction bestsellers list. The weekly bestseller list is a compilation of the week's bestsellers from Kinokuniya, Borders, MPH, Page One, Popular and Times bookstores. For a book to stay on it for weeks (probably months in this case), there must be some charm about it.

I went to the book store and browsed the book. I was under the impression that I would be reading some stuffy capital cases in a language that is best understood by people in the law fraternity. It was not the case and I knew then I wanted to go through the rest of the pages.


Subhas Anandan is the head of KhattarWong's Criminal Department. In his 37 years as a lawyer, he has handled more than 1,500 criminal cases, many of which shocked the relatively low-crime Singapore. He took two years to tell 15 of his best known criminal cases in this book.

Even if you have not heard of Subhas Anandan, you would have heard of some of the infamous cases handled by him. Surely names such as Anthony Ler, Huang Na and 'Ah Long San' ring a bell.

The book does not just give insights into those capital cases. In fact, Subhas Anandan started the book with his childhood days at the Sembawang Naval Base. He narrated how that chapter of his life has helped to shape him. He also shared various viewpoints from his days as a student in Naval Base, Raffles Institute and the Singapore University.

At some point, I was quite appalled by his rulelessness especially during his days in the university. He appeared to be a very strong student leader but he was also one who would walk around with a bomb ready to detonate at the slightest indication of injustice. It was as if he was overflowing with his sense of righteousness.


The author's life story includes how he was framed by a rogue policeman and ended up in the prison. During his 10 months behind bars, he got to know some of the prisoners well. I really enjoyed reading the lighter side of his miserable stint in the prison.

One thing for sure, the book is not just a compilation of what the media have previously reported. Subhas Anandan viewed these cases from his eyes. From time to time, he stepped out of his capacity as the defense lawyer and gave a personal view of the law. Even though personal, his views sounded to me, objective and honest. Taking in such views from someone who is seen to have put in his best fight to defend murderers, it can be ironical and satirical.

Many of his clients were sent to the gallows. In this aspect, Subhas Anandan shared his view on death sentence. Even though he believes that the Singapore justice system works most of the time, he did point out some shortcomings. He also sent a strong message on drug abuses and gambling.

Subhas Anandan told the unreported stories behind the 15 criminal cases. I could sense that he tried to keep his objectivity but the human emotion of loyalty, compassion and fairness kept emerging throughout his narration. The stories also revealed how destructive human weaknesses can be. I guess human behavior will always bewilder me.


On a softer and personal side, Subhas Anandan talked about his bond with his mother and the pain he felt when his younger brother died in the SQ006 incident which happened at the Chiang Kai-Shek Airport (Taiwan) in Oct 2000.

The book is cleverly written with lots of humour and wit, something I do not expect from a book on criminal cases. Even though I have read more captivating books before, I would say that this book is far from boring. I actually could not quite put it down.

For a long time, I have been trying to understand 'lawyers' talk'. I struggle constantly to figure out the choice of words and the style of language used in legal writings. I am sure I am not alone in my hair-pulling experience. Lay people like me have great difficulties in making some sense out of lawyers' convoluted arguments and reasoning. Sometimes, I wonder if there has been some kind of conspiracy amongst the lawyers to deliberately create their own 'dialect' so as to exclude those not of the same genre.

The author of this book is more than capable of putting me through that kind of torture but I am glad that he did not. In fact, the book is written with lay readers in mind and it is absolutely readable by any legally untrained person.


My closing thoughts:

1. It is tough being a litigation lawyer, especially so if he is dealing with criminal law.
2. Everyone deserves a fair trial and behind every heinous crime lies a very human story.
3. It is human to have greed and jealousy but it is inhuman when they are strong enough to kill.

4. Criminal lawyers have compassion too and a good criminal lawyer can decant it from their hearts at will while at work.
5. No one should say that an acquitted person is definitely not guilty.
6. No one can ever be sure that those sent to the gallows deserve that closure.
7. No justice system is foolproof because it is judged by human.

Finally, I am glad that I am not a criminal lawyer.

Who Will Cry When You Die?

I was at Robin Sharma's seminar last week.

Honestly, I knew little about Robin Sharma other than the fact that he is the author of several bestsellers, notably, "The Monk Who Sold His Ferarri".


Since I did not know enough about him to accord the deserving admiration, I was tempted to pre-judge. I knew that would eventually cap what I could get out of that 6 hours of my life I was about to invest. So, I decided to go to the seminar with an open mind.

Realistically, I expected to hear lots of repetition of what I already knew. That is not necessarily bad. I call that reaffirmation and reminder. Most of all, I wanted to find out what more he could add on to my little brain and make it wiser. Surely, for such a pricey seminar, one must take back something new and useful.

Robin Sharma did not disappoint me. I found myself agreeing with much of what he had to share. It was a leadership seminar and he shared on how we can see the current crisis as an opportunity and becoming a better leader.

It is not my intention to turn this article into a review of the seminar. A brief mention from me won't do the seminar justice. You can find out more about him at his website.


I was going through one of his books, "Who Will Cry When You Die?" and found so much common sense in the book. I asked myself if I am already doing most of them, since they are common sense after all. I felt a sense of guilt as I whispered "No" to myself.

As I browsed through the book, I was happy to find a few things which I am already doing. However, there are many more which I have not. I make two lists and here are some of them in each:

List 1: "I Am Doing"

1. Keeping A Journal (You are reading one my journals)

This is a good way to develop my self-awareness by having frequent one-to-one conversations with myself. Since I started doing this, I acquire a clearer mind and daily challenges appear to be more manageable. The book says "If your life is worth thinking about, it is worth writing about."

2. Develop An Honesty Philosophy

I have been given many promises and many of them broken. I can't do much to change that but I can adopt and develop an honesty philosophy for myself. And I do. I want to be honest to others, and most importantly, to myself. The book says "Every time you do not tell the truth, you feed the habit of being untruthful."

3. Always Carry A Book With You

I don't need to sell the benefits of reading books but many of us don't read enough. We spend much of our time doing things which yield no benefits. We leave all the "must do" undone because we tell ourselves we have no time. In this aspect, I put a book within reach, everywhere: in my bag, in my car, in my bedroom and in my office. Whenever I have a moment to steal, I read. The book says "Knowing how to read but failing to do so puts you in exactly the same position as the person who cannot read but wants to."


List 2: "I Am NOT Doing, Yet"

1. Honor Your Past

I know I must not look back but I can do better in this aspect. Each time I spend a minute brooding about my past, I waste that minute which I could use to propel me forward. I am still dwelling on some past mistakes, even long after everyone has forgiven me and forgotten about them. There shall be no more such time. The book says "Remember, happy people have often experienced as much adversity as those who are unhappy."


2. Learn To Be Silent

How often do you feel that you have been busy but cannot pinpoint on what exactly you have accomplished? I experience such moments from time to time. I failed to make time to be silent and still, thanks to all the modern distractions. There is probably never a better era to be busy for the sake of just being busy. I owe myself the time to revisit, recheck and reset my priorities. The book says "It is not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is what are you busy about?"

3. Get Behind People's Eyeball

All of us yearn to be understood but few of us do enough to understand others. I need to learn to "get behind the eyeballs" when dealing with people and see the world from their perspective. I need to listen more than I talk, after all, I have two ears but only one mouth. The book says "Since you are not doing all the talking, you are doing all the learning, gaining access to information you would have missed had you been engaged in the usual monologue."

4. Keep Your Cool

I lose my cool more often than I desire. It does not take a genius to get angry - anyone knows how to do that. The point is, I am a big loser whenever I lose my cool. In a moment of outburst, I damage the relationship I took much pain to build and I reduce my credibility I earned over a long time. The book says "Control your temper by asking three questions: (1) Are these words truthful? (2) Are these words necessary? (3) Are these words kind?"

5. Remember The Rule Of 21

It takes about 21 days to develop a new habit and I shared that with many. I certainly do what I preach but far from enough. It is human nature to maintain status quo so long as everything remains working. We resist new habits even though we know that they are our means to higher living. The book says "New habits are much like a new pair of shoes: For the first few days, they will feel uncomfortable. But if you break them in for about three weeks, they will fit like a second skin."

The above are part of my 'have done' and 'have not done' items. You should draw up your own lists too.

Lastly, I pick this wisdom from the book as I believe it would have appeared in most of our 'have not done' list:

Live Fully So That You Can Die Happy

The book says "Most people don't discover what life is all about until just before they die. We have taller buildings but shorter tempers, more possessions but less happiness, fuller minds but emptier lives. Do not wait until you are on your deathbed to realize the meaning of life and the precious role you have to play within it."

For more wisdom, you'd have to read the book yourself.

The Road of Lost Innocence

I read "The Road of Lost Innocence" recently.

I do not consider myself an avid reader but I like to look out for books that open up my horizon . This book did just that.

It is written by Somaly Man, a Cambodian girl who was sold into slavery when she was about 12. She was forced to work in a brothel where she faced punishment in the form of hunger, bashing and sexual abuse on a daily basis. That went on for several years until she met an NGO worker. She left the horrendous life and went on to work on other things. Meanwhile, she could not forget the fates of those sex workers. She decided to go back to the brothels but this time, to help those who were still suffering the same fate as hers before.


To write the book, Somaly had to relive her awful past. She had to dig into her healed wounds and recall all the ugly details she fought to forget. As I walked through the dark years of her life, described in sordid details, I felt her pain.

I get the sense that Somaly is a private person. No surprise as most Cambodians are. I admire her courage to pry into her own sorrowful life and share her past. There is nothing glorifying about what she has experienced. So, it seems clear to me that her main reason for writing this memoir is to educate people on the plight of prostitution and the destruction it brought to very young girls.

During the cruel reign of the Khmer Rouge, the Cambodian people suffered greatly. After decades of fighting, genocides and starvation, the friendly and smiley people in the country turned monstrous as they fended for themselves.


Just a couple of days ago, it was reported that the long-awaited trial of a 66 years old Cambodian, Duch was to be finally opened. He is charged with committing war crimes at the notorious S21 prison where at least 14,000 people were reported to have died there. The trial seeks to bring justice to the victims and their families. Hopefully, it will also bring some closure to decades of pain inflicted by senseless killing.


It was against such a harsh backdrop that Somaly had to find her survival route. She courageously walked out of her torturous life and went on to set up the Somaly Mam Foundation. It was set up as a non-profit charity committed to ending slavery. For what she has done, Glamour magazine named her "Woman of the Year" in 2006 and that is just one of the international recognitions she has received so far.

A portion of the proceeds from her books will be donated to the foundation. I am glad that I bought it and made my puny contribution to the cause.


Some books are dangerously eye-opening and they make me see the world around me in a different light. These books usually leave me pondering about my naive ignorance and arrogant presumptions. An after taste of guilt and shame is not uncommon.


Somaly's memoir brings me into the world of human trafficking, child prostitution and slavery. Being a victim, she did not succumb to her seemingly inescapable fate but instead, she was so very determined to rally for international help to fight for the rights of other young women who have been in her situation. I feel totally humbled by her courage.

I do not live a cushy posh life but I consider my life blessed with comfort and security. When we are surrounded by all the good stuff (which we take for granted many a time), we tend to become oblivious to all the real suffering taking place else where. Our ignorance may be further compounded as we get too caught up with complaining about the tiniest trivia, such as a 5-cent hike in bus fare.


We all love beautifully written books with captivating stories. However, when a story did not come from the figment of imagination by some professional authors, concocted just to support their writing career, it is likely to hit me harder. Real stories usually speak louder, just like that of Somaly's.

I would expect a lot of anger and angst from a person with Somaly's past. She would have all the legitimate reasons to pour her rage for the inhumane things done to her. Instead, she wrote the book in a rather calm, quiet, understated and almost uncomplaining manner. I believe her pain was tremendous but she chose to disguise her emotion just so that she can bring her main message to the foreground. I am thoroughly intrigued by her impersonal disposition.

This book left me thinking and feeling helpless.

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