Monday, November 14, 2011

Don't be a People Pleaser

People-pleasers want to make others happy at all costs.
Don't be one.

Do you find yourself agreeing to things you really do not want to do? Do you have difficulties saying 'No' to others? Do you feel uncomfortable about what others do or say to you but choose to say nothing?

Your answers to the above questions give you a quick idea if you are having issues with personal boundaries. A simple test can tell you more.

Healthy personal boundaries lead to
healthy personal relationship

What are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we set to protect ourselves from being manipulated or violated by others.

These limits, once communicated, serve as guidance on how others may act or speak in your presence.

What they are not?

Setting personal boundary may be mistaken as a negative behavior. It is seen as going against values such as selflessness and personal sacrifice.

Get those ideas out of your head!

On the contrary, it is a responsible act to have healthy personal boundaries. It is necessary as a prerequisite for harmonious and sustainable people relationship.

If you don't say, they don't know. [Pic]

Why are Personal Boundaries important?

Setting clear personal boundaries helps to establish healthy mutual respect and maintain good relationship. It is a win-win approach.

A healthy set of personal boundary boost self-esteem and happiness. It also helps us take greater control of our lives as we move on to meet the endless stream of life changes.

How to set Personal Boundaries?

4. Know your rights

Before anything else, you must believe that it is your right to set personal boundaries. Be honest with yourself on how you feel and what you think. Always have your own opinion while remaining humble and respectful towards alternative views.

You do not owe others more favor than others owe you.

Enforce your boundary. Say 'No'. [Pic]

3. Learn to say 'No'

If you are a people-pleaser, you may find yourself constantly agreeing to requests and advances. If you habitually accommodate others, you find your own happiness index dipping.

I am not promoting a selfish behavior. Rather, you need to remember that if you do not take care of your own needs, you won't be well enough to serve those who deserve your time.

We all know this too well: A frustrated mom is far less than a great mom.

Learn to say 'No' without fear, guilt and anger.

2. Know that you are important

You need to constantly remind yourself that your own feelings and needs are at no time less important. This reminder is especially relevant to women who behold traditional values of self-sacrifice.

Respect yourself and develop a strong sense of identity. Do believe in shared responsibility and reciprocity in any relationship.

You have to say where your boundary is. [Pic]

1. Learn to communicate your boundary

If someone crosses the line and makes you uncomfortable, you need to let him know. Keeping silence will send the signal that it is not inappropriate to behave in that manner.

There is no need to defend or argue. Simply communicate directly and gracefully while staying firm and assertive. Repeat yourself when faced with resistance or persistence.

Remember, once you give in, you are encouraging others to ignore your needs.

You OK, they OK

You are unique and have your own ideals. Take personal responsibility for who you are and be in charge of your own life.

When you are well and good, you are ready to serve, with personal boundaries intact, of course.

Don't play victim. You are not one.

"The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others." (Sonya Friedman)

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1 comment:

Life Quotations said...

Great article with excellent idea! I appreciate your post. Thanks so much and let keep on sharing your stuffs.